Conversations...hmmm.. they are of so many kinds: casual, hurried, thought-provoking, informal, reminiscing, informative, advising, heart-to-heart.. of varying degrees, of varying form and content. Emotions, intellect, opinions, experience and views may all be put to good use in a single conversation. Today, when we have no dearth of communication channels to use, people must be so much more in touch-with their friends, new and old, immediate family and relatives. Right? Sorry folks. I beg to differ.
Conversations -their nature and scope -have definitely changed. They have definitely become slicker, faster, smoother and multi-channeled. Just look at the range of channels we use now. Gone are the days when one had to worry about outstation phone bills! Just like a popular advertisement featuring Priyanka Chopra says, "My phone is who I am!" Some of us believe we are defined by the latest models and gadgets that we carry. But where the quality of conversation goes, it is merely casual and barely skims the surface. Humor shall off course make you laugh, but it is also so momentary, with a low shell life. And it shall never let you get close to a person.
What about the value of these conversation? Hasn't it, somewhere down our busy, chaotic lives, become rusty and dusty -taken out from the shelf only in dire need or used liberally only to get things done? Where have those days gone when we would chat for hours over just a cuppa, talking about inconsequential things, and still feel we could have gone along for hours? When was the last time you felt glad of having a good conversation, where you poured your heart out and felt so close with that person? It doesn't matter who that person is -your spouse, partner, a friend or relative. I have lost touch with many a people because of lack of good conversations.
What is a good conversation for you? For me, it would be something that makes me think and makes me connect with the other person. It is a platform where I am meeting the other person at an equal footing.The last heart to heart conversation I had was yesterday, with a dear friend of mine. And it felt damn good! And I began to wonder what's stopping us to have more conversations such as these? How come we do not spend enough time conversing with people? For the lines of privacy have become even stronger, deeply carved today. Conversations are even perceived as intrusive by many I know and they would do anything to avoid them, either consciously or unconsciously.
It takes good conversations to bond with people.. Some of the best moments of life have been spent conversing with people. Thanks to those conversations, I made some really close friends, I have fallen in love with my partner and connect with certain members of my family. And it takes good conversations to sustain these relationships as well. Because each of us is growing, changing, adapting -good conversations help us to hang onto these people, while those conversations have just as matured!
This post is an ode to all those conversations I had with you. And you know who you are! Looking forward to chat again... ;-)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Push
A gust of life
Born to tread a unique journey,
So your mother thought.
Pushed out of her womb
To fill the room with your tiny wails
And hushed whispers outside the room.
Mixed emotions await you,
You’ll soon know.
When they see your color, and your sex
And may be not in that order
Tears and blood have borne fruit
But these shall come to knot.
And your mother’s fate shall slowly unfurl
When they see, you are merely a girl.
Born to tread a unique journey,
So your mother thought.
Pushed out of her womb
To fill the room with your tiny wails
And hushed whispers outside the room.
Mixed emotions await you,
You’ll soon know.
When they see your color, and your sex
And may be not in that order
Tears and blood have borne fruit
But these shall come to knot.
And your mother’s fate shall slowly unfurl
When they see, you are merely a girl.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Candle burns
The candle is burning
In a way that has never been
Even if I wanted to blow it out
My breath would never reach
The candle is burning
Wax melting slowly on the sides
The blue has never been deeper
While the orange never so fiery
Its flickers have turned restless
More fierce than before
Waging to go on war
As the wax crackles ever more
I have never felt
The candles burn so bright
As if wanting to tell me secrets
And it has never felt so right
The secrets it pours from its black fumes
And I awaken
Into amber light
To the candle that burns.
In a way that has never been
Even if I wanted to blow it out
My breath would never reach
The candle is burning
Wax melting slowly on the sides
The blue has never been deeper
While the orange never so fiery
Its flickers have turned restless
More fierce than before
Waging to go on war
As the wax crackles ever more
I have never felt
The candles burn so bright
As if wanting to tell me secrets
And it has never felt so right
The secrets it pours from its black fumes
And I awaken
Into amber light
To the candle that burns.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Choices we make...
I was walking down from office to home yesterday (am one of those few blessed souls who have a workplace really close to home in Mumbai) with ear phones plugged and with the usual chit chat of the RJ giving me company. This time round the topic of discussion was 'Is a woman's career as important, if not more, than man's?" The RJ was asking for responses from listeners on whether the wife's or woman's career is important for her, especially in relation to the man's? And if the man gives her woman's career as much importance as their own?
Strangely coincidental. Because only yesterday I heard from my colleague her woes of bitter divorce after 15 years of (love) marriage. She was left penniless with no where to go and unemployed for the past 8 years for another woman. Well educated, this colleague had given up her job for her husband. I was shaken with this episode.
My career is important for me. It is the only thing I can call of my own. My work not only represents my productivity but also my independence. No body can take away from me the work I do. It is an important symbol of my identity. I'd be liked to be known for my hard work, my sincerity and the output of my labour. My work is my baby, pun unintended. I cannot fathom of a life without work, it is an important part of who I am.
Having said that, I do not understand moreover why a woman has to make a choice between a family and a career?? Why can she not have both?? Why do we ingrain into a woman that her family is more important for her and her career is merely for her time pass. I was warned by my father, "Your career shall take a backseat once you marry. Are you ready for that?" I was enraged at his words back then and I still am. He was warning me in his own way against what could be a possibility, but I why the choice at all?? Why do I need to choose between my family and my career? Why can I not have both?? Do men make that kind of choice?
Who's given the right to men to believe that women can leave their jobs and careers at a mere signal? Believe you me, my career is not just for some side money or to keep myself busy! It means much more than that.
May be the above question need to be answered with some more questions. Like,
Who gives up a job if one of the couple gets transferred to another city?
If the husband gets transferred, is the family supposed to pack the bags and accompany?
Is the woman expected to leave her job once she becomes a mother?
What is the role of the father in parenting the child? Does he not need to share that responsibility as well?
Does the couple share the responsibilities of daily expenses?
Does the woman have any financial security if in the near future the relationship did not work or the spouse expires? What happens then?
Who decides how the money is spent?
Does the woman have any single bank account?
Who decides how the woman's earnings are to be spent?
Can she spend money without giving an account for it? Or does she give a hisaab of every penny that she spends?
According to a TOI poll (published on March 8th, 2009), while 24% thought career was more important than family, 67% of women thought it was family. Only 9% felt that a woman shouldn't have to choose between the two! May be not the best of studies, but sure gives us a preview of the current situation.
It is assumed that a woman's career is not a career, but merely a job which can be given up at mere insistence. Her career becomes less valuable as soon as we monetize it. End of the day the man brings in more money (as in most cases) and the woman less (for variety of factors). May be because employers feel that women cannot give in long hours, as she also has domestic duties.
But a woman's career is far more important than a man's. A woman not only has to fend for herself but also her children, as the case in families headed by females. And if ever there is a divorce or if the spouse dies, she has no where to turn to. For she can neither return to her parents? And neither does she inherit anything.
The salary is no doubt important. But for me, the intrinsic value of my work and my career is far greater than that monthly pay cheque. And while I still am searching for many answers, my colleagues words echo in my ears, "Indrani, never let go of your career the way I did."
Sane advice lady and one I intend to take!
Strangely coincidental. Because only yesterday I heard from my colleague her woes of bitter divorce after 15 years of (love) marriage. She was left penniless with no where to go and unemployed for the past 8 years for another woman. Well educated, this colleague had given up her job for her husband. I was shaken with this episode.
My career is important for me. It is the only thing I can call of my own. My work not only represents my productivity but also my independence. No body can take away from me the work I do. It is an important symbol of my identity. I'd be liked to be known for my hard work, my sincerity and the output of my labour. My work is my baby, pun unintended. I cannot fathom of a life without work, it is an important part of who I am.
Having said that, I do not understand moreover why a woman has to make a choice between a family and a career?? Why can she not have both?? Why do we ingrain into a woman that her family is more important for her and her career is merely for her time pass. I was warned by my father, "Your career shall take a backseat once you marry. Are you ready for that?" I was enraged at his words back then and I still am. He was warning me in his own way against what could be a possibility, but I why the choice at all?? Why do I need to choose between my family and my career? Why can I not have both?? Do men make that kind of choice?
Who's given the right to men to believe that women can leave their jobs and careers at a mere signal? Believe you me, my career is not just for some side money or to keep myself busy! It means much more than that.
May be the above question need to be answered with some more questions. Like,
Who gives up a job if one of the couple gets transferred to another city?
If the husband gets transferred, is the family supposed to pack the bags and accompany?
Is the woman expected to leave her job once she becomes a mother?
What is the role of the father in parenting the child? Does he not need to share that responsibility as well?
Does the couple share the responsibilities of daily expenses?
Does the woman have any financial security if in the near future the relationship did not work or the spouse expires? What happens then?
Who decides how the money is spent?
Does the woman have any single bank account?
Who decides how the woman's earnings are to be spent?
Can she spend money without giving an account for it? Or does she give a hisaab of every penny that she spends?
According to a TOI poll (published on March 8th, 2009), while 24% thought career was more important than family, 67% of women thought it was family. Only 9% felt that a woman shouldn't have to choose between the two! May be not the best of studies, but sure gives us a preview of the current situation.
It is assumed that a woman's career is not a career, but merely a job which can be given up at mere insistence. Her career becomes less valuable as soon as we monetize it. End of the day the man brings in more money (as in most cases) and the woman less (for variety of factors). May be because employers feel that women cannot give in long hours, as she also has domestic duties.
But a woman's career is far more important than a man's. A woman not only has to fend for herself but also her children, as the case in families headed by females. And if ever there is a divorce or if the spouse dies, she has no where to turn to. For she can neither return to her parents? And neither does she inherit anything.
The salary is no doubt important. But for me, the intrinsic value of my work and my career is far greater than that monthly pay cheque. And while I still am searching for many answers, my colleagues words echo in my ears, "Indrani, never let go of your career the way I did."
Sane advice lady and one I intend to take!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Ladies Coupe
Someone once told me, “You cannot get lost in Mumbai. All you need to do is head to the nearest local station! And you shall find your way from there.” It was a useful piece of advice back then.
I have come to realize now trains in Mumbai are much more than what they seem.
I remember feeling terrified every time someone mentioned about traveling in Mumbai trains. This was when I had just shifted to the city. It probably came from that one bad experience I had had almost four years ago, of being almost crushed amidst smelly, strange men in a general compartment in a Borivali local, at the peak evening hours. That incident alone was enough to unnerve me.
I can gladly and proudly say I have come a long way from there. Not only have I become quite an expert in traveling by locals now, I sort of even enjoy them. Off course, I try and still avoid the peak hours. But no other public transport could be this convenient as are the local railways!
One of my favorite past times while traveling in trains is to look at people. I have no qualms of admitting my experiences are limited to the ladies coupe, but those are a universe in itself! There is a distinct world within, as it is without. And you shall be enveloped as soon as you step into one.
You shall find all kinds of women here: the hoity ones, the housewives, the working women with ear phones, college students, women carrying fish-smelling baskets, utensils, kids and the hijras. For the entrepreneurs, Mumbai locals are a paradise. From stitched Gujarati fabrics to knick knacks, from trinkets to veggies and snacks: making life simple for women hustling to reach their destinations.
Gaze through the wide range of posters and adverts put up on the brown rusty walls. Some of them are as enchanting as the people themselves. Here are few examples:
Call ********** for housemaids/ governess/ etc
Have problems planning your finances? Call ********
Mardon mein masti bhar de… (Makes your man naughtier.)
For placements call ******** No sales or door-to-door marketing job guaranteed!
Want to lose weight? Call ********
Dil tera diwana hain sanam,Khata hun main 'Stay on' ki kasam.. (hilarious one)
I could go on and on, but truth of the matter is, the locals are not just a mode of transport. Call me a romantic, but for me it is a microcosm of what Mumbai represents. Its colours are as vibrant as the variety of make up you shall see on the women, and in different stages. You shall make friends here and even some enemies. But there’s one thing common in them: they are all in a hurry. They are all busy to reach somewhere. And they might just push you aside if you are caught day dreaming. They do not have the time. They are too busy doing what they need to do.
The city would come to a standstill if these wheels were to ever stop. Come incessant rains or the scorching summers, these wheels not only reduce the vast spaces to few minutes, but also represent the day to day struggle, that is aamchi Mumbai.
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Storm
Silence, the lull
comes with the tell tale signs
Of restlessness and dissatisfaction
The wind takes its speed
shakes me up from inside
I know the storm is brewing
Slowly, steadily
And I hold on
As my hands become a fist
and wait for what is ahead.
I sit quietly,
though there are people around,
All I see is the screen
as I divert my energy
Through the fingertips
The sound within seems
louder now
The storm is on now
Full steam ahead.
It has gone raving mad
And still the fingers keep flying
Against the keyboard
The words lending a garb
To the restlessness within
So what you read in front
is the storm,
concealed in clothes,
perfect and civilized,
with not a crease for you
to pin point.
comes with the tell tale signs
Of restlessness and dissatisfaction
The wind takes its speed
shakes me up from inside
I know the storm is brewing
Slowly, steadily
And I hold on
As my hands become a fist
and wait for what is ahead.
I sit quietly,
though there are people around,
All I see is the screen
as I divert my energy
Through the fingertips
The sound within seems
louder now
The storm is on now
Full steam ahead.
It has gone raving mad
And still the fingers keep flying
Against the keyboard
The words lending a garb
To the restlessness within
So what you read in front
is the storm,
concealed in clothes,
perfect and civilized,
with not a crease for you
to pin point.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
To live to eat -I
There are those who eat to live and then those who live to eat. I definitely belong to the latter category. One of the first things my partner and I did after landing in Mumbai was to invest in a Mumbai Times Food Guide. For foodies such as me, this book is a must-have and a treasure! Not only does the Guide have a budget- and cuisine-wise index, but it also has an area-vise index. Though we like to make our own reviews, those of Rashmi Uday Singh are quite helpful as well! It’s become our weekend project since then to tick off the ones tried and to try the ones we haven’t ticked yet. I do not think we shall cover all (till we are here), but we shall definitely give our best shot.
Recently I discovered this amazing little joint: Café Churchill. It’s located on the same side as Leopold, but within a good walking distance from here on, quite near Bata, in fact. You can almost miss it, it’s that small. So do keep your eyes open as soon as you reach Bata!
Consider yourself lucky if you don’t have to wait. But it's a small price to pay, believe me. I was working too the particular day I visited and I could see the pleasant surprise in people who didn’t have to wait! The décor is average. The food is simply to kill for. The food is awesome (I don’t care if I sound repetitive). Pastas, sandwiches, soups, grills: the menu is quite endless! The vegetarians too shall not be disappointed. No doubt, this place is so popular with the locals.
My colleague and I ended up sharing a Chicken Hawaiian sandwich and grilled chicken with peppered sauce (served with steamed veggies and mashed potato). A word of advice: do save the place for the dessert. The pastries (that is the only thing they serve) are to die for! We decided to go our separate paths, where the desserts were concerned. It definitely was a good decision. My Irish Cream Coffee Cake was absolutely exquisite and my colleague took a Lemon Cheese cake. And this place is quite decently prized too. A meal for two can cost you about 600 bucks.
Food is an integral part of the Mumbai culture. Be it the street food (a separate post's coming soon) or the neighborhood joints, the 5-star palates or unique restaurants, most are quite an eclectic mix of creativity, service and entrepreneurship. They will charm you and make you come back for more.
I know I can’t wait to go back to Café Churchill. They have me hooked for sure!
Recently I discovered this amazing little joint: Café Churchill. It’s located on the same side as Leopold, but within a good walking distance from here on, quite near Bata, in fact. You can almost miss it, it’s that small. So do keep your eyes open as soon as you reach Bata!
Consider yourself lucky if you don’t have to wait. But it's a small price to pay, believe me. I was working too the particular day I visited and I could see the pleasant surprise in people who didn’t have to wait! The décor is average. The food is simply to kill for. The food is awesome (I don’t care if I sound repetitive). Pastas, sandwiches, soups, grills: the menu is quite endless! The vegetarians too shall not be disappointed. No doubt, this place is so popular with the locals.
My colleague and I ended up sharing a Chicken Hawaiian sandwich and grilled chicken with peppered sauce (served with steamed veggies and mashed potato). A word of advice: do save the place for the dessert. The pastries (that is the only thing they serve) are to die for! We decided to go our separate paths, where the desserts were concerned. It definitely was a good decision. My Irish Cream Coffee Cake was absolutely exquisite and my colleague took a Lemon Cheese cake. And this place is quite decently prized too. A meal for two can cost you about 600 bucks.
Food is an integral part of the Mumbai culture. Be it the street food (a separate post's coming soon) or the neighborhood joints, the 5-star palates or unique restaurants, most are quite an eclectic mix of creativity, service and entrepreneurship. They will charm you and make you come back for more.
I know I can’t wait to go back to Café Churchill. They have me hooked for sure!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
When parents grow...
What a strange title you might say, but parents too grow. They grow when they realize in life how their children have grown. When they begin to see you as individuals.
It is true circumstances force you to look at people in a new light. Recently, my parents came visiting for a couple of weeks. And it was enlightening for all of us. It was an entirely new feeling for me, and for them, to see that the tide has turned. I was pampering them for a change. But the feelings were mixed. Just as much as I realized how much I enjoyed giving them a royal treatment, I question myself with guilt, what had stopped me to do so earlier. Distance does make close relationships go stronger I believe.
They seemed frail this time around when I saw them. Both have lost weight I think. Time has left its marks on them I think. They are still the same people (in spirit). Mom is still obsessed with showering her love on us via food and Dad now has a new fixation –Sudoku. But something had changed in our equation this time round. Both realized (finally) that I have grown, that I am managing a house on my own and generally working my way out in an alien city. They do not doubt my capabilities. I would have managed to do so anytime in my life, if given the opportunity. But as they say, they needed to see in order to believe. I feel a sense of pride in them for me and I am glad I could give them both moments of joy and some quality time.
We think parents shall always be around. We seem to believe they are permanent fixtures and shall always be just a phone call away. But I wish we all value them enough to spend quality time with them. Off course, you have your independent life too. But nothing shall give them greater joy to hear your voice or feel your hug.
So what’s stopping you? Go surprise them with an unexpected gesture. Do something quirky. You all shall cherish later, I promise.
It is true circumstances force you to look at people in a new light. Recently, my parents came visiting for a couple of weeks. And it was enlightening for all of us. It was an entirely new feeling for me, and for them, to see that the tide has turned. I was pampering them for a change. But the feelings were mixed. Just as much as I realized how much I enjoyed giving them a royal treatment, I question myself with guilt, what had stopped me to do so earlier. Distance does make close relationships go stronger I believe.
They seemed frail this time around when I saw them. Both have lost weight I think. Time has left its marks on them I think. They are still the same people (in spirit). Mom is still obsessed with showering her love on us via food and Dad now has a new fixation –Sudoku. But something had changed in our equation this time round. Both realized (finally) that I have grown, that I am managing a house on my own and generally working my way out in an alien city. They do not doubt my capabilities. I would have managed to do so anytime in my life, if given the opportunity. But as they say, they needed to see in order to believe. I feel a sense of pride in them for me and I am glad I could give them both moments of joy and some quality time.
We think parents shall always be around. We seem to believe they are permanent fixtures and shall always be just a phone call away. But I wish we all value them enough to spend quality time with them. Off course, you have your independent life too. But nothing shall give them greater joy to hear your voice or feel your hug.
So what’s stopping you? Go surprise them with an unexpected gesture. Do something quirky. You all shall cherish later, I promise.
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