Choices we make...

I was walking down from office to home yesterday (am one of those few blessed souls who have a workplace really close to home in Mumbai) with ear phones plugged and with the usual chit chat of the RJ giving me company. This time round the topic of discussion was 'Is a woman's career as important, if not more, than man's?" The RJ was asking for responses from listeners on whether the wife's or woman's career is important for her, especially in relation to the man's? And if the man gives her woman's career as much importance as their own?

Strangely coincidental. Because only yesterday I heard from my colleague her woes of bitter divorce after 15 years of (love) marriage. She was left penniless with no where to go and unemployed for the past 8 years for another woman. Well educated, this colleague had given up her job for her husband. I was shaken with this episode.

My career is important for me. It is the only thing I can call of my own. My work not only represents my productivity but also my independence. No body can take away from me the work I do. It is an important symbol of my identity. I'd be liked to be known for my hard work, my sincerity and the output of my labour. My work is my baby, pun unintended. I cannot fathom of a life without work, it is an important part of who I am.

Having said that, I do not understand moreover why a woman has to make a choice between a family and a career?? Why can she not have both?? Why do we ingrain into a woman that her family is more important for her and her career is merely for her time pass. I was warned by my father, "Your career shall take a backseat once you marry. Are you ready for that?" I was enraged at his words back then and I still am. He was warning me in his own way against what could be a possibility, but I why the choice at all?? Why do I need to choose between my family and my career? Why can I not have both?? Do men make that kind of choice?

Who's given the right to men to believe that women can leave their jobs and careers at a mere signal? Believe you me, my career is not just for some side money or to keep myself busy! It means much more than that.

May be the above question need to be answered with some more questions. Like,

Who gives up a job if one of the couple gets transferred to another city?
If the husband gets transferred, is the family supposed to pack the bags and accompany?
Is the woman expected to leave her job once she becomes a mother?
What is the role of the father in parenting the child? Does he not need to share that responsibility as well?
Does the couple share the responsibilities of daily expenses?
Does the woman have any financial security if in the near future the relationship did not work or the spouse expires? What happens then?
Who decides how the money is spent?
Does the woman have any single bank account?
Who decides how the woman's earnings are to be spent?
Can she spend money without giving an account for it? Or does she give a hisaab of every penny that she spends?

According to a TOI poll (published on March 8th, 2009), while 24% thought career was more important than family, 67% of women thought it was family. Only 9% felt that a woman shouldn't have to choose between the two! May be not the best of studies, but sure gives us a preview of the current situation.

It is assumed that a woman's career is not a career, but merely a job which can be given up at mere insistence. Her career becomes less valuable as soon as we monetize it. End of the day the man brings in more money (as in most cases) and the woman less (for variety of factors). May be because employers feel that women cannot give in long hours, as she also has domestic duties.

But a woman's career is far more important than a man's. A woman not only has to fend for herself but also her children, as the case in families headed by females. And if ever there is a divorce or if the spouse dies, she has no where to turn to. For she can neither return to her parents? And neither does she inherit anything.

The salary is no doubt important. But for me, the intrinsic value of my work and my career is far greater than that monthly pay cheque. And while I still am searching for many answers, my colleagues words echo in my ears, "Indrani, never let go of your career the way I did."

Sane advice lady and one I intend to take!

Ladies Coupe

Someone once told me, “You cannot get lost in Mumbai. All you need to do is head to the nearest local station! And you shall find your way from there.” It was a useful piece of advice back then.

I have come to realize now trains in Mumbai are much more than what they seem.

I remember feeling terrified every time someone mentioned about traveling in Mumbai trains. This was when I had just shifted to the city. It probably came from that one bad experience I had had almost four years ago, of being almost crushed amidst smelly, strange men in a general compartment in a Borivali local, at the peak evening hours. That incident alone was enough to unnerve me.

I can gladly and proudly say I have come a long way from there. Not only have I become quite an expert in traveling by locals now, I sort of even enjoy them. Off course, I try and still avoid the peak hours. But no other public transport could be this convenient as are the local railways!

One of my favorite past times while traveling in trains is to look at people. I have no qualms of admitting my experiences are limited to the ladies coupe, but those are a universe in itself! There is a distinct world within, as it is without. And you shall be enveloped as soon as you step into one.

You shall find all kinds of women here: the hoity ones, the housewives, the working women with ear phones, college students, women carrying fish-smelling baskets, utensils, kids and the hijras. For the entrepreneurs, Mumbai locals are a paradise. From stitched Gujarati fabrics to knick knacks, from trinkets to veggies and snacks: making life simple for women hustling to reach their destinations.

Gaze through the wide range of posters and adverts put up on the brown rusty walls. Some of them are as enchanting as the people themselves. Here are few examples:

Call ********** for housemaids/ governess/ etc

Have problems planning your finances? Call ********

Mardon mein masti bhar de… (Makes your man naughtier.)

For placements call ******** No sales or door-to-door marketing job guaranteed!

Want to lose weight? Call ********

Dil tera diwana hain sanam,Khata hun main 'Stay on' ki kasam.. (hilarious one)

I could go on and on, but truth of the matter is, the locals are not just a mode of transport. Call me a romantic, but for me it is a microcosm of what Mumbai represents. Its colours are as vibrant as the variety of make up you shall see on the women, and in different stages. You shall make friends here and even some enemies. But there’s one thing common in them: they are all in a hurry. They are all busy to reach somewhere. And they might just push you aside if you are caught day dreaming. They do not have the time. They are too busy doing what they need to do.

The city would come to a standstill if these wheels were to ever stop. Come incessant rains or the scorching summers, these wheels not only reduce the vast spaces to few minutes, but also represent the day to day struggle, that is aamchi Mumbai.